


In the Wake of Destruction

by Maniacalfreak



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Harry Hart Lives, M/M, Mates, Mating Bond, Scent Marking, Scenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 07:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7425631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maniacalfreak/pseuds/Maniacalfreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry’s alive, and the feeling that wells up in his chest when he meets Harry’s gaze leaves him reeling, the sudden rekindling of their bond snapping back into place, and he can feel him again. </p><p>But then the world is crashing and burning around him, and the feeling that’s welling up in his chest is no longer filled with unbridled joy, but a stark, devastating betrayal.</p><p>He mourned for Harry, mourned for his mate, his alpha, <i>and they let him.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Wake of Destruction

**"Your soulmate isn't someone who peacefully comes into your life. It is the person that makes you question things. The one who changes your reality. Someone who marks a before and after in your life. It's not someone you idolized - but just another human being who can revolutionize your world in a heartbeat."**

 

Eggsy threw all his anger and frustration into the punching bag in ordered precision of attack, just like he’d been taught, in unyielding fury as he strikes the bag repeatedly, his knuckles burning from the constant impact.

The harsh rhythmic _thud, thud, thud_ of his fists hitting the punching bag and his rapid breathing have been the only sounds in the silent, empty gym for over an hour. There had been a few other guys in the gym working out when he first came in like a storm, the door of the gym banging against the wall, and marched over to the boxing area, wrapping his knuckles as calmly as he could, deciding to forego the boxing gloves in favor of a more… personal touch.

Taking position in front of the punching bag, Eggsy ignored the others in the room and focused solely on the bag in front of him – and it wasn’t too much of a stretch for him to imagine it was Harry fuckin’ Hart’s face in dead center when he pulled back his fist.

The shuddering impact vibrating up his arm from the force was only too satisfying.

The others in the room had given curious and startled looks when he barged in, which quickly morphed into appreciative and admiring glances when he started working on the bag. He wasn’t delusional; he knew for an omega he had good form. He had a good body, and his physical strength was bound to draw attention more often than not.

More people had started showing up and gathering around him to admire his workout and stamina… that is up until his bag broke off its chain and fell in a defeated lump on the floor.

He just glowered at them, his lips pulling over his teeth in a snarl, daring one of them to say something or challenge him, and when none of them step forward he hooked up another punching bag and without another word he started up again, the bag swinging on its chain with the force of his punches.

After that they pretty much cleared out and gave the gym he was in a wide berth.

So, it really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that the news of his… frustrations have somehow managed to reach Harry – or should he say Arthur, now? - when said man wonders in a little while later.

Eggsy clenches his jaw in anger and ignored the way Harry approached him as one would a skittish animal - cautious in a way he’d never seen Harry act towards him before.

 _Good_ , he thought viciously.

Harry should be wary of him right now, he wants to punch the git right in the fuckin’ face and knock the bastard right on his arse.

“Eggsy?” Harry’s voice is tentative, a tone he never heard from him before, gentling him like he was some delicate little thing that was easily broken – not realizing that he’s been broken ever since he saw Valentine pull that trigger, and it only served to make him angrier.

Because that was the joke - the punch line, innit?

Because Harry’s alive, and everyone had hidden it from him, and the lull that’s kept him sane and functional for the better part of six months have suddenly been pulled like a rug out from under his feet, the calm and light demeanor fracturing so sharply that he’s sure at that point in time it had made an audible sound in the silence that had emanated from Arthur’s office at his entry.

He had to be strong.

For Daisy. For Mum. For Kingsman.

But suddenly the tethers holding him together in the wake of Harry’s death shattered like glass, and his vision whited out with the sound and scent of Harry flooding his senses. For the first time since Harry died and the connection between them had severed, Eggsy felt something other than heartache and loneliness.

Because Harry’s alive, and the feeling that wells up in his chest when he meets Harry’s gaze leaves him reeling, the sudden rekindling of their bond snapping back into place, and he can _feel_ him again, their bond burning brightly in his chest.

And then the world is crashing and burning around him, and the feeling that’s welling up in his chest is no longer filled with unbridled joy, but a stark, devastating betrayal.

He mourned for Harry, mourned for his mate, his alpha, _and they let him._

* * *

“How are you coping at home?”

Eggsy shrugs at the question, barely listening to Genevieve as he stares off into space.

He doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to be here in this small office with his heart stuck in his throat as she makes him relive every moment of his insufferable existence.

“You need to let it out, Eggsy.” Genevieve says gently, “I know this is hard for you, but bottling up your feelings will only hurt you more in the long run. So, please, talk to me. How are you coping at home, Eggsy?”

“Sometimes,” Eggsy swallows past the lump in his throat. “Sometimes it’s like he’s still there, you know? I keep expectin’ him to jus’ walk through the door, but it never happens. I feel… haunted.”

“Ghosts don’t haunt us, Eggsy.” Genevieve says sadly, “That’s not how it works. They’re present among us because we won’t let go of them.”

“I’ll get you something to drink.” Genevieve says softly, getting up from her seat to give him a moment, the sound of Eggsy’s quieted sobs following her out of the room.

* * *

And nothing tastes as bitter as this new cocktail of wretchedness. And he’s no stranger to pain - but nothing cuts him deeper, hits him harder, makes him bleed heavier than this particular double edged knife.

Because they’ve killed him, ripped him from the inside out, torn him apart piece by piece until there’s only a shell of his former self left, with only his iron will to live – if only for the dazzling smile on Daisy’s face every time she looks at him.

It was the only thing that kept him alive.

And now… and now he doesn’t know what to do with the surprise reveal that after all this time Harry had been alive and kicking and they’d hid it from him.

So he did what he does best.

He ran.

So, Eggsy grit his teeth and ignored the call of his name in favor of kicking up his right leg and slamming it viciously into the side of the bag, the bag jerking sideways on its chain.

“Eggsy, please, we need to talk.”

“We ‘ave nothin’ to talk abou’.” Eggsy spat, “Not anymore.”

“Please, Eggsy,” And Eggsy can hear the desperation edging into Harry’s voice, and his heart thuded wildly in his ribcage the closer Harry got to him. “Let me explain.”

“Few months too late for that,” Eggsy snaped, watching from the corner of his eye as Harry flinched like he’s been slapped, his expression falling further, and something dark inside him curled happily at that.

He’s so angry at them - at Harry, for ordering everyone to not to tell him he was alive, so betrayed and hurt that just the thought that Merlin and Roxy had lied to him for months hurt so much he could barely breathe.

He wanted to tear into them, rip them apart and watch them bleed and die slowly, day by day, just like they did to him.

* * *

Harry’s voice would lull him to sleep, just as it has every night since he had discovered the saved recording on his phone that he’d forgotten to delete from his inbox a month after Kentucky.

And he couldn’t quite shake the horrified look on Roxy’s face, or the wounded noise she made when she first walked in on him falling asleep with the recording playing, and the way she had burst into tears when he refused to answer her question.

“Why are you tormenting yourself like this?”

But it helps, you know?

And every night he hoped that maybe, just maybe, it’ll get easier.

So, he hit play again, the memory of Harry filling his vision as he closed his eyes in the darkness of their – his – bedroom and just breathed through it, listening.

_“Hello, darling…”_

* * *

And yet some part of him yearned so badly for things to return to the way they once were. To have Harry’s large, warm hands upon his skin again, for the gentle splay of his fingers ghosting up the length of his body, for the calm nights when he’s bundled and held close in the warmth of his arms with nothing but Harry’s comforting scent lulling him to sleep…

And… he still loves Harry. God, how much he loves this man.

But he broke him… maybe beyond repair.

And he’s not his mum, he’s not Michelle - he’ll never settle for anything less than what he deserves.

He won’t stay with someone who abuses him.

So, Eggsy takes a deep breath to prepare himself for what he’s about to do, and meets Harry’s gaze head-on, feeling himself break apart a little more at the hopeful expression that blooms on Harry’s face.

“I want to annul the bond.” Eggsy demanded, relived that his voice only wavers slightly, that he doesn’t fall into a crumbling, sobbing mess at Harry’s feet.

Harry inhales sharply, a broken, wounded sound leaving his throat.

“No, Eggsy – “Harry choked, regarding him with large, scared eyes, “You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” Eggsy swallows thickly. “I do, ‘arry.”

It’s the first time he’s said Harry’s name all day, and his voice cracks under the weight of his words, his eyes stinging with unshed tears that now cloud his vision, his gut churning unpleasantly.

“Please, not –“Harry makes a desperate noise high in his throat, and this is the most undone Eggsy has ever seen him, and he has to fight back every treacherous instinct inside of him that screams at him to take his words back and comfort him.

That nurturing part of him, that omega part of him that Harry had taught him to embrace sees his mate in distress and wants to provide care and comfort, but his pain at his betrayal cuts too deep, a wound in the center of his chest that is only too fresh, is stronger than his instincts - so he holds himself back and buries that side of him away.

Harry must see something in his expression because his face pales and contorts into a look of anguish, a choked whine leaving his throat.

“I’m sorry.” Harry manages, swallowing thickly. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Yeah, you say that.” Eggsy says tightly, clenching his jaw. “But wot are you sorry for?”

“Everything,” Harry says immediately. “I wish there had been another way, but there wasn’t. Please, just hear me out and – and if you still aren’t happy by the end of it we’ll…” Harry chokes up, his words getting stuck in his throat.

_We’ll break the bond between us._

“Jesus, ‘arry,” Eggsy growled, “I’m so fuckin’ pissed I could punch you, you fuckin’ arsehole! You wanna talk? Fine. Tell me. Tell me why you did it.”

He expects Harry to start spewing out reasons like word vomit, but instead Harry just stands there, regarding him with a strange look on his face, and suddenly Harry is straightening, a resigned look on his face.

But Harry just stands there in front of him, and Eggsy shifts uneasily as he waits for Harry to speak, waits for something to happen instead of this silent standoff. And he knows he must be projecting how furious he feels through their connection, and he knows there is nothing soft or submissive in his posture right now, every muscle taut with aggression.

He contemplates going back to beating up the punching bag if Harry was just planning on staring at him all day, but then Harry is moving, and he watched in confusion as Harry starts unbuttoning his waist jacket.

He finds himself entranced as Harry’s long fingers deftly unbutton his jacket, carefully removing his cufflinks, and then his dress shirt is following suit, and he can’t stop his eyes from flicking up to watch as it slides off his broad shoulders with Harry now standing shirtless in front of him.

Fuck, what is he _doing_?

He doesn’t have to wait long to find out because Harry turns to him then, widening his stance as he regards him impassively.

“Hit me.”

Eggsy’s jaw drops and he stared at Harry incredulously, a hundred percent sure he’d heard wrong over the fire roaring in his blood. Maybe he’s only hearing what he wants to hear.

“Wot?”

“Hit me.” Harry prompted, taking a step towards him when he realized that Eggsy wasn’t going to move.

Eggsy reeled back, startling when his back collided with the punching bag before he can veer to the side, away from Harry’s approaching form. He quickly moved away from the boxing area, putting some distance between them as he glared at Harry.

“No.” He bites out; taking a step backwards for every step Harry takes forwards. It almost feels like he’s being herded, and Eggsy squashes down the rising heat and butterflies in his gut at memories of their mating run.

But there was no heat in Harry’s eyes, only firm determination.

“You said you wanted to punch me.” Harry reminds. “So, hit me, Eggsy.”

“I don’t feel like it anymore.” Eggsy huffs; peeling off his hand wraps and flinging it across the room in frustration. He didn’t want to hit Harry - not really, he just wanted him to leave.

Funny, since all he ever wanted was to have Harry back.

* * *

“Mornings are much harder for me than at night.” Eggsy says slowly, solemnly, slouching in his seat in Genevieve’s office.

Another consultation Merlin’s roped him into with the shrink.

“I wake up to an empty bed and I keep expectin’ to find ‘arry in the shower, but it’s always empty. I expect to see him in the den playin’ with J.B, but the house is always too quiet.”

Eggsy laughs drily, a harsh, broken sound. “Sometimes I even make breakfast for two but then I realize I’m all alone. Mornings are much more painful to me ‘cause at least I eventually fall asleep at night, but once it’s mornin’ I’m constantly reminded throughout the day that he’s gone…”

“…rememberin’ is easy.” Eggsy chokes, breathing past the painful, familiar throb in his chest. “It’s the times that I forget he’s gone that tear me apart.”

* * *

Eggsy narrowed his eyes as Harry continues to stalk towards him, forcing him across the gym to avoid him.

“Hit me for lying to you.”

Eggsy bares his teeth at the jab. “I’m not gonna hit you, ‘arry.”

“Because I’m your alpha?” Harry asks sharply, watching as Eggsy continues to back away from him. “Because I’m your mate? Because we’re bonded?”

“No,” Eggsy grits out, a whimper rising in his throat, and he wants to cry at how cruel Harry is being, throwing this in his face. Something raw and vulnerable must show in his eyes because Harry only continues.

“Then hit me.” Harry goads. “Hit me for not seeking you out. Hit me for ordering everyone to hide this from you.”

Eggsy narrows his eyes, chest heaving angry breaths as he clenched his jaw, and this time when Harry takes another step towards him, he doesn’t move.

“Hit me for being an alpha and being stronger than you.” Harry mocks. “I can take a punch. Come on, Eggsy.”

Eggsy stands his ground as Harry closes in on him, only a couple of meters away from him now, and he shakes his head in refusal, gritting his teeth.

“Hit me, Eggsy!”

Eggsy’s lips work angrily, baring his teeth in warning, snarling as Harry closes the distance between them with each step.

He’s so close. So close.

Harry stoped in front of him, close enough to touch, close enough for him to inhale his familiar scent, almost making himself dizzy with it, and Harry meets his stormy eyes and feral snarl with a gentling look - the calm before the storm.

“Hit me for all the years, for everything you’ve had to suffer through without me, for everything you’ve lost.” Harry says softly. “Hit me for blocking our bond and abandoning you.”

The sound Eggsy makes is like an animal caught in a trap with no other means of escape but the inevitable.

Keening. Angry. Hurt. Desperate.

Eggsy flew at him, his punches landing on Harry’s chest, his stomach, his shoulders and jaw. A few of them even had some real force behind them, but Harry knew he was still holding back.

Harry forces himself to relax his muscles and sink into his stance, absorbing Eggsy’s hits, taking it all, not even budging to defend himself, not putting any effort to block a single blow.

“Come on, Eggsy.” Harry presses. “Hit me like you mean it.”

Harry thought Eggsy’s cries and shouts of anger might turn into sobs and broken cries, but he was wrong. Eggsy became more feral, his punches quicker, his jabs more sharp and forceful.

“Why did you order them to not to tell me you were alive?” Eggsy cried out, slamming his fists against Harry’s chest.

Harry’s instincts scream at him to avoid Eggsy’s flying fists and soothe his rage fueled tongue as he spits obscenities at him, but he ignored it all and stood his ground, allowing Eggsy to take his frustrations out on him, unmoving.

“I had too, Eggsy.”

“Why?”

“Kingsman needed someone on the outside to clear up loose ends and… eliminate certain agents who had strayed. We didn’t know who was in Valentine’s pocket and who wasn’t.” His fist found the corner of Harry’s jaw, forcing his face to the side with a sharp hiss of pain. “Everyone involved with Valentine thought I was dead, so I took it upon myself to make sure all viable threats were neutralized.”

“And you thought I couldn’t be trusted, is that it?” Eggsy snarled. “Thought Valentine won me over, ‘arry?”

“Of course not, Eggsy.” Harry denies vehemently. “I did this to keep you safe! Why do you think I blocked our bond? I had to make sure that in the event that I was captured there would be no link between us for them to find you again.”

“No, ‘arry. You don’t get to say that.” Eggsy says tightly. “Don’t you remember that night when I was doin’ the field simulation wit you?”

“Of course,” Harry grunts, flinching with the next hit of his fists against his chest. “Of course, I remember.”

“You said, _“Strong is fighting. It’s hard and painful, and it’s every day. But it’s wot we ‘ave to do, and we can do it t’gether.”_ Eggsy says angrily. “Well ‘dis ain’t workin’ t’gether, ‘arry! You fink I could ever forget when Valentine had me captured and tortured? You promised me, ‘arry!” Eggsy sobs now, “You promised you wouldn’t leave me – and you lied!”

“I know, Eggsy, I know. But I had too!” Harry quickly dodged the fist aimed at his face so he could finish speaking – his first offensive move since they’ve started. “I had to make sure you were safe! Can’t you see that’s what I’ve been trying to do all along? All I’ve ever wanted was to keep you safe!”

Harry’s dodge throws Eggsy off balance, angering him. Harry grunts, his breath punching from his lungs in a gust of air from the unexpected knee to his stomach.

“Six months, ‘arry!” Eggsy sobs, angry tears spilling down his cheeks, backing away from Harry as the man hunches over to catch his breath.

“You let me believe you were dead.” Eggsy whimpers.

Harry was fully prepared for more abuse when he straightens and approaches Eggsy, but he didn’t continue his onslaught.

Eggsy stared at Harry with tears streaming down his face, too tired to bother wiping them away, his lips quivering as he gasped for breath as sobs wrack his body, and something furls and twists in Harry’s stomach at the sight.

Harry catches his wrists in his large hands and holds them still when Eggsy flails and tries to push Harry away.

With a frustrated growl Eggsy lets his body collapse against Harry’s chest when his futile attempts at freeing himself failed, and cried, his legs nearly giving out from beneath him at the touch of Harry’s hands on his bare skin for the first time in six months, his strong musky scent breaking through the fog of anger that had clouded his senses, now all but washing away his anger and leaving him feeling drained.

“How could you do this to me?” Eggsy whimpers weakly, pulling until Harry lets his wrists slip free from his grasp, wrapping his arms around his middle and clinging to himself.

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispers, reaching to pull the trembling boy into his arms.

“You let me _grieve_!” Eggsy’s sobs, breaking, gasping for breath as he tries to get his breathing back under control.

“For six months, ‘arry!” His breath hitching into another uncontrollable sob, his face twisting in anguish. “How could you do that to me?” he moans.

Harry shushes him, encasing him in his arms as his body shakes and trembles. “I’m sorry, Eggsy.” Harry murmured heart-wrenchingly. “I’m so sorry.”

Eggsy whimpered, clinging to Harry’s shoulders as his legs gave out, his body sinking to the floor.

Harry follows him down, tightening his hold on Eggsy as he cradles the back of his head, guiding it into the crook of his neck, murmuring sweet nothings in Eggsy’s ear as he soothes a hand down Eggsy’s back until he’s relaxing against him.

“I love you.” Harry whispers, holding him tight. “I love you so much, my dear boy, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“’arry - ”

“And I know that’s not enough,” Harry continues hoarsely. “I know the damage has been done. If you want out of this, if… if annulling the bond will give you peace then we’ll do it. I’ll do it - for you.”

Eggsy makes a sound like he’s dying.

He thought he’d be strong enough to go through with this - be he’s not.

He can’t do this.

He can’t.

He’s already lost Harry once.

“Nononono.” Eggsy moans shaking his head vehemently, and before he realized what he’s doing he’s climbing into Harry’s lap, his arms coming around to cling to the back of Harry’s shoulders to pull him impossibly closer. “I’m s-sorry. No-”

“Shh,” Harry murmurs, placing a hand on the back of Eggsy’s neck to ground him while the other rubs down his back soothingly. “It’s alright, love. I’m not going anywhere.”

Eggsy hiccups, clenching his eyes to shut out the soul crushing relief and the overwhelming rush of embarrassment at his behavior.

Fuck, he was acting like a simpering child.

Eggsy lost track of how long they stayed like that, with him in Harry’s arms, the man pouring out endless apologies and endearments, and before long he was nice and comfortable in Harry’s lap, about as relaxed as one could get when reunited with someone you thought was dead.

“I’m sorry.” Eggsy whispered hoarsely.

Harry chuckled humorlessly. “Don’t be, you have nothing to apologize for.”

Eggsy sighed, rubbing his cheek briefly against Harry’s before nosing along the line of Harry’s neck to where his scent is strongest, humming when Harry tilts his head to allow him more room, his heart fluttering with sudden affection towards the man.

Harry could never really deny Eggsy anything.

Eggsy smiled, for what felt like the first time in months, basking in Harry’s scent as he contented himself with scent marking him, rubbing himself against Harry’s chest, his hands trailing down Harry’s back, reacquainting himself with the familiar dip and curve of his body.

“Do you want this?” Harry asks softly, humming when Eggsy continues to nuzzle into the crook of his neck, inhaling deep breathes of his scent as he trails his hands down Harry’s sides and chest.

Eggsy paused, his hands stopping their lazy exploration to rest on Harry’s pecs. Biting his lip, he noded against Harry’s shoulder. He’s been without Harry for so long that he needs the physical contact and connection like the air he breathes.

“I need a verbal answer, Eggsy.” Harry says softly, putting a hand gently under his chin, tilting his face up to meet his searching gaze. “Yes or no. I need to hear you say it. Do you want this? Do you still want me?”

“I – yes, Harry.” Eggsy says, laughing breathlessly when Harry surges up to capture his lips in a passionate kiss, and Eggsy reveled in the sensation of their lips and tongues meeting.

Eggsy moans into it, all thoughts of taking this slow and reacquainting himself with Harry’s body thrown out the window as Harry kissed him with a hungry urgency. Eggsy shivered when Harry trailed a hand down his side, the other softly cupping the side of his face as he deepened the kiss.

Harry kisses like a man starved, thirsting for his taste, and Eggsy gives as good as he gets, thrusting his tongue against his mate’s with enthusiasm, grinding his hips down against Harry’s groin where he can feel the line of his hardening cock underneath his trousers.

“Oh -” Harry gasped, breaking the kiss and pulling back to regard him with dark eyes, his pupils blown wide. “Okay?” Harry asks, his voice rough.

Eggsy licked his lips, and Harry’s eyes tracked the small movement. Whatever he sees in his expression must be answer enough because Harry leans over to kiss him again, the urgency of before gone as Harry takes his time teasing his lips apart, licking into his mouth languidly.

Eggsy gasped, breaking the kiss so they could breathe, leaning his forehead against Harry’s as they fought to get their breath back. Harry cupped his face in his hands, angling his face to look into his eyes.

In the depths of Harry’s warm, brown eyes, Eggsy sees more love and affection, and pure, stark relief, than he ever thought possible reflecting in his eyes, and it was all he needed to see to know that he’d made the right decision in taking Harry back and not a horrible mistake.

“Fuck, I need you, ‘arry.” Eggsy whimpered and Harry nodded, diving in to place a chaste kiss on his lips. “’arry – can we? Please, tell me we can?”

“Yes,” Harry rasped, his voice sending shivers down Eggsy’s spine. “I had Merlin disable the cameras before I came here.”

Eggsy peered up at Harry incredulously, narrowing his eyes into slits. “Knew you’d get lucky did you?”

“No,” Harry said hurriedly, recognizing the underlying current in Eggsy’s tone. “I did it so no one would see me getting my ass handed to me by my omega.”

Eggsy pursed his lips. “This isn’t over - I’m still fuckin’ pissed at you.”

“I know.” Harry whispers, kissing him gently. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I hope you liked it! I don't know If I'll be writing a second chapter to this.... but we'll see! 
> 
> This scene was originally going to be in my other fic, _Chosen To Be_ but I cut it out in favor of going a different route. So, I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think! I love to hear from you guys!  <3
> 
> P.S - I unfortunately don't know who says the quote that I marked at the top of my fic, but I've seen it around a lot lately. Please let me know if you know who its from!


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